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Going it alone...

Choosing to be a single mom involves mutually exclusive options - job or health insurance? bonding or daycare? opting to be 2....

Photo of Kate S
2 6

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Sometimes you just don't find the person to partner with and you decide you've wanted wee ones since as far back as you can remember so you jump into the abyss, with all the fear that evokes, and decide you are going to go it alone. 

There is no orthodox image of a family anymore. I live next to two men who've adopted three kids, near two women who are single mothers (through different means) and am one of three close girlfriends who has decided to wade into the waters of single motherhood. We've lived and traveled and loved all over the world, but here we are, nonetheless.  So we go it alone. It's not what I pictured in my mind's eye as a "family" but I have watched my dear friend here carefully cultivate a rich and full world so that it is not just her and her wee one and I hope to be able to emulate that. It clearly does take many loving hands and she is intentional about reaching out with love and grace to weave that fabric. 

I grapple with late night fears of how I will make it work, I will need to leave my job in order to caretake for this child and have no idea what type of health insurance i can get for us, but also see the dissolution of dear friends' relationships and think how hard that it with wee ones. I recognize how fortunate I am in this day and age to be born with the passport and opportunities that my folks carved out for me and realize there is much to be grateful for despite so many unknowns. 

What is a provocation or insight that might inspire others during this challenge?

How do we remain conscious that everyone walks through the world with their own profound joys and sorrows, which are often cyclical, around new life?

How does this research relate to our use cases and personas?

Single women who choose to be mothers and have to decide whether to stay home with their children or keep a job...you can't do both in the US.

Tell us about yourself:

I worked internationally in humanitarian work for over a decade and now work on urban resilience.

Are you currently an employee of Sutter Health or UCB Pharmaceuticals?

  • No

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Photo of Colin Willox

Thanks for sharing this. Very nice to read your experience, both fears and hopes.

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