I feel like battle with myself. No, I really do battle with myself. I'm exhausted, lose confident, and depressed.
Then, I seek help. I cannot solve this by myself. And finally I get help by a graphotherapist (she has degree in psychology also). Since I lost confident, I look down at myself and really surprise when she told me that I have a lot of good attitude.
She gave me advice about believe and value. How believe influence the way we make decision, what we got, etc. It turns out I have believe that Life is Difficult. Since I believe life is difficult, my mind create everything difficult for me.
She also told me that the reason I procrastinate doing something creative is because I live in my comfort zone, with friends who live in comfort zone also. I'm in an environment where you still get good reward even when you achieve nothing. What a comfort zone.I have passionless friends. They like their life just the way it is. Life without passion nor dream.Plus I don't have mentor taught me about my dream (design clothes).
In order to have a peace life (between me and me), have passion to design and create beautiful clothes that make people shine, I'm advised to join community where passionate people gather.
Somehow I become spirited about this idea. I can feel the joy of doing creative things. Perhaps if I gather with passionate and creative people, I also become like them. I will meet new friends who have same problem with me and we can share and solve the problem together. Maybe I see hope. I also change my believe about life.
Changing believe, gather with passionate people help me to get creative confidence. Now I start illustrating again. I start designing again. Everyday will be beautiful.