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Why do caregivers do it?

From the Facebook page, --------, Question to all of my fellow caregivers: Why? Why do you do this? Why do you sacrifice your...

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Why do caregivers do it?

Greg Elofson, CEO, AlzCare Labs, Inc.


From the Facebook page, -------------------, which is a page where caregivers share thoughts, feelings, solutions, failures, and the like, one person posted this question:

Question to all of my fellow caregivers: Why? Why do you do this? Why do you sacrifice your family; time; job/career; sanity; freedom; etc. to care for a loved one? Why do you endure ridicule & broken relationships; isolation; emotional stress & depression that is often a result of taking on this role? Why?


Here are the posted answers:

I speak for me alone.Our wedding vows said in sickness and health.Alzheimers and dementia is a sickness,he would not desert me,nor would I desert him.He is stiil my other half,and until I physically can't care for him,I will care for him!He is my best friend and I love him.


I totally agree!❤


Me to! I will have to be breathing my last breath before I give up! My husband worked hard everyday for our family and would do it for anyone of them! He did it for his mom and dad ! I will be by his side till the end!


LOVE!!


Love and desire to do all I can for him as long as I can.


I love my Mom! I can't imagine her in a home at this time. She has always been my best friend and such a big part of my family I still want to be here for her. Maybe I'm not ready to give her up...��


Because he would have done it for me


She did for me when I could not take care of myself as an infant and child. For all she did for me I want to do for her so she doesn't end her days in a NH. I love her and want to make her time as good as possible. If it gets to a time when I can't give her the best care then I will consider what is best for her. It's simple, she is my mom and I love her.



Because he would have done it for me


Because that's what we do for our loved ones. Until late the day I can't do it, I will be here


Care costs a fortune! This could go on for years! So there is no choice sometimes! Regardless of being a difficult parent! It's hell some days! But in the end I'll be able to live with myself. Knowing I did the right thing and did all I could!


If not me, then who?!


My Daddy did his best to take care of, provide for and spoil me as a kid. Now he's my kid. He's still footing the bills, we're room and board. Today, the investment paid off. A bunch of memory came back and he said Thanks! We had a great talk about the process over the past few months. Tomorrow may not be the same, but today was a wonderful surprise.


 For better or worse


To honor my wedding vows and because I loved him.


My dad was family and I took care of him 15 years and would do it all over again. I did get divorced but it had nothing to do with my Dad. I also got remarried. My children learned compassion.


My mother in law took care of my father in law. She was mad the entire time. She was eligible for HHA but said no. She's a hateful bitter woman. Sad.


Love love love!!! She's my baby sister & I want to make sure she feels loved & that no one is mean to her


Because he was my Daddy...


JUST BECAUSE....................................OF LOVE................


And some of us ask ourselves your same question every day! My previous response is my answer.


Because they took care of us when we were young I couldn't imagine not taking care of them


Me to! I will have to be breathing my last breath before I give up! My husband worked hard everyday for our family and would do it for anyone of them! He did it for his mom and dad ! I will be by his side till the end!


And I'll be right there with you. Xoxo



When I struggled with walking away from financial security and a solid career, it came to me how much my mother gave up when she left a job, that could have taken her places, to stay home full time and raise her children to school age.


I can't see my mom not getting the best care I can give her. I am a single mom, myself, so I can't bring my mom into my home. She is at the point where she needs 24hour supervision. I am her guardian though, and I will always make sure she is taken care of. She is my mom. There is no need to explain why I help. She is my mom, and I love her.

Like · Reply · 1 · 3 hrs · Edited


My folks took care of me when I needed them. I consider it an honor to care for them when they need it. That, my faith & an awesome spouse sustains me. All out of love.


My parents took care of me and taught me love and compassion and I repaid that. As far as I was concerned no one else qualified for that honor


She was my mother. I am her daughter.


Because I love my mother and because of the abuse that goes on in care homes. I could never trust them


My husband is the love of my life. That's why.


Because there's no other options. I'm the only option there is.



LOVE


My Mom was a single mom and worked her butt off just so we have a roof over our head and food to eat Make no mistake she was a hard ass and still is. I did it because it was the right thing to do.

 

Because my loved one is worth it.


Because of unconditional love.


ditto


My husband doesn't have anyone else except me and my brother. His family can't/wouldn't do it so what other option do I have? Also if he were to be put into a care home situation it would take everything we BOTH have and leave me destitute at 64 years old . And bottom line is he's my husband and that's just what you do.


One word: love


Because a commitment was made when we married.


Unconditional love.


Because my parents did for us so I did for my Dad for four years. My Dad just passed last year & I just went through the year of firsts. But if I had to do it over again, I would. I have no regrets.


I feel/hear your frustration. We all have felt this in our caretaker roles. Don't be so hard on yourself.


For LOVE! 

<3


Love. Its my mom and Im an only child.


Me too.


Because she is my mother, I love her with my whole being. This is where I need to be and my world will have to wait. It's all for her now!


Love. Respect. What if you were the one living with dementia. It can happen to any one of us and I would like to know that I would have someone who would stand by my side and love me and support me and care for me. What goes around comes around. God will generously bless you for your sacrifices.


For my dad because I love him and its an honor to be able to care and love for him until his final breath. He did so much for so many people in his good years and never complained or asked for anything in return. It is hard and mentally tasking without a doubt! He would do it for any of us in a heartbeat!


We love them very much more than our self


Because he's my husband and I love him. 

:)


WHY? Because of love. It is difficult, time consuming, hard, irritating at times, however, I love my dad. He sacrificed for me, its my time.


God commands it..."Honor your Mother and Father" I did what I do for my Dad, totally out of love. Now for my Mom, its to honor God. My Mom was not a very good Mom, she was abusive in many ways...a long, long story ascto the history behind it, but s...


My wife's given me 45 years of love and companionship. it's the least I can do!!


With regard to my mother---love

With regard to my aunt---she asked me to care for her. She has no one else. Aunt has no children and is an aunt by marriage. She has several siblings and 30-40 nieces and nephews. Her family has shunned her......I am it.....I cannot understand anyone that treats a family member this way.....


Because the right "thing" is always the right thing, yet not usually the easiest thing.


I promised " for better or worse, in sickness or health". , and I meant it.


He is my dad I love him


It's only me...no one to toss to


This question really makes me think......and these answers as I read them make me cry! Wow.....such love and dedication!! Encouraging!! Makes me think I might be able to do it!!

I was my Mother's caregiver for twelve years as soon as she passed my Dad...


I love my mother, she took care of me for years and years....It's called full circle, and it's my turn to care for her.


Respect and because I was raised to be there for family, no matter what


Love


I am so in awe of you darling wonderful people here on MP! These statements alone and all the love being expressed here are enough to heal our country and our world! I wish everyone could see how many truly lovely people there are out there! ����❤️


It's the right thing to do. Unfortunately very few people seem to realize this.


Love!


I am trying not to judge here but when a loved one or family member is in need, aren't we supposed to step in and help? I just don't know of any other way. Sometimes in life we have to be selfless and do the right thing because that's the way it's supp.


I am caring for my wife with Alzheimer's because she made me the man I am today both personally and professionally. I would not be the man I am today without her love and caring for me. It was an easy decision for me to leave my job to care for her and the feeling I get three years later when she smiles and laughs confirm this was the right decision.


That's what it's all about! God bless you!


Good for you Mr. Viall! That's all any woman can ask for is a man who truly loves her. Kudos to you!


Because one day, a long time ago, someone brought me into this world, fed me, bathed me, watched over me, educated me, took me to the physician when I was sick, stood over me during sleepless nights, making sure the fever was under control, or mopping ...


You are having a bad day. It's okay to vent. It's okay to walk outside and yell at the top of your lungs for 5 minutes, or scream into your pillow. It'll do you good. You'll be able to handle so much more when you come back in the house.


Well said, Diane!!!!



I wouldn't of done it any other way being caregiver formt Mom and Brother at the same time! I would do it over again to have them both here with me. Lost my Mom and Brother within a few months of each other. A

Big part of my heart died with them.


Love. Love and the need of someone who is helpless and scared. With me, she was always safe and at peace with her world.


For my I meant


Because I love my mom and in 50 years she never once stepped back from taking care of me or putting my needs above hers. She was ALWAYS there for me no matter what. I can only do the same for her.


Because our loved ones are our loved ones. They aren't always family or spouses, but they are LOs and we do it for them.


Some days & nights when Mr. Alzheimer's rears his angry head and hides the sweet man that I fell in love with 60 years ago, I wonder "WHY?" But so far that sweet man reappears and I remember why.


Because i love my mom!


My parents took care of me and made sure my sisters and I had everything we needed! They taught me unconditional love, compassion and respect! I promised my Daddy right before he passed away 12 years ago that I would do everything I possibly could to t...



I dont know how to do anything else. Shes my mama


it was the right thing to do,through all the turmoil it was a learning experience ,i'd do it all over again 

<3


Because we love my mother. She always has loved us unconditionally and if she would have had a choice she would never have wanted this life for herself. Daddy died last year and she doesn't remember and never was able to mourn. All that matters is momma gets taken care of with as much love and dignity that she deserves.


Love


Love. It's the only thing that gets you through it.


I love my Mom more than any whole world! She always care of me for years. Now, it's my turn to care of my mom. Yes, word is LOVE.


Love


It's Love. My Daddy and mom adopted me. They raised me. Daddy is in heaven now but it's my turn to take care of them. I would do it again


Love


I fell in Love with my wife when I first saw her. I promised her I'd love, honor and cherish her until death. And I will. It is that simple.


definitely caring I took care of a gentlemen who isn't even related to me but I cared for him very much


My mom taught me loyalty and compassion! And I love her and never want her to ever feel afraid or lonely....I do my best.....


Love and respect ....pure and simple. Yes it's hard.....but love wins out always ❤️


It all has to do with respect and love. I have been caring for my mom for over 2 years and it did become too difficult to care for her at my home but that doesn't mean I won't be her advocate where she is at and believe me that was not an easy decision to make to move her. 

Bottom line- my mom has loved me her whole life and sacrificed for me many times. How could you turn your back on someone like that?


Because I love my Mom with all my heart.


You do it for the love and respect that they deserve to receive , they sacrificed things to give us life so in being a compassionate human being we care for the other human being wether it's a parent, spouse or just a human , that's what life is about,...


It is the right thing to do. Therapist asked me the same question, I said that there was no alternative, she said yes there is, I said what? She said alternative was to abandon him. I said that would be unthinkable. She said some people do! Don't think we'd find them here on MP 

:)



LOVE, Is there any other reason?


28th September 1968 St Cuthbert's Church, Chester le Street Co Durham England. I took a vow to Love Honour (not obey) in sickness and in health until death do us part. I loved him and cared for him that day and will continue to do so, as long as God gives me strength to do so.



Because she is my mom! And she would never have abandoned me if I needed her, no matter what. Honor thy Mother and thy Father!


Love.


Because it's expected of me. I just have to; always thinking of my dad in heaven.


Love


Because it is what God has called me to do. Jesus sacrificed far more for my salvation.


Because I love my dad. He took care of me when I was little, now it's my turn. Sure, I don't always like him all the time when those bad days hit, but I'm sure the same held true when I was little. Not that I EVER misbehaved though. 

;)


This is an absolute struggle, particularly economically right now, but I know it's a blessing that I'm able to be here for him, and I will do my best for him.


 LOVE


I did it because I loved my mom. I made the choice to care for her when she needed me the most. Not out of the eight years that I took care of her do I regret anything that I went through. Would do it all again if I had to.


Love.


Love!!! I was unconditionally loved growing up and I never want to fail my parents in any way!


I love him!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️


I am/was my husbands primary caregiver. I love him. He's my best friend and soul mate. If that's enough reason why.. Then you don't understand love


Because she ain't heavy, she's my mother. Nuff said.


Yes!


Love!!!


Love! I love my mom!


LOVE!!


Not having been around my parents for some 40 years; I answered the call to help my mother with my father through his last month of life (died of Pancreatic Cancer stage 4). It was the right thing to do and for me it came as a selfless act of love to...



i considered it a privilege to take care of my mother. She was in our home for six years and I got to know her better than i ever had. I got to share that period of her life, and most people don't. She made sacrifices for me and would have done anything for me. It became a role reversal and we both made a lot of good memories. I loved her dearly.


I know my husband would take care of me had roles been switched,and even when he went into nursing home I was there almost every day


Love! We have been together since teenagers. Married 50 yrs, in sickness and in health. He provided a good life for us. Of course not ending as we planned, but he would do the same for me. I cherish our time we have left together. It is a long goodbye.❤️❤️

 


Can only speak for my own situation...my hubby & I are a team, a team put together by our Lord & Savior. We take that seriously. Neither of us will give up on the other. With His help, we are totally & completely there for the other. At this point, it ..


I don't know. But it's a decision I don't regret.


Love and respect. They took care of me, I'll take care of them.


Because of the Unconditional Love I have always received from them. NOBODY else has ever given me anything close. THEY both deserve and will get all the care and Happiness I can possibly provide as long as 

Possible.


LOVE....������


I do it because I love my dad and I want to honor him until his final day here on earth. It is a good feeling knowing that I have given a part of myself back to him.


Because my Dad took care of me...and I KNOW he would me if the roles were reversed...I wouldn't wish this awful disease on my worst enemy...he's my Dad, and I love him for who he is, not the disease that's stealing him from us��


Love


I am a professional caregiver, after 27 years in insurance. The pay stinks, but this is so much more rewarding!


I have learned so much about myself- develpo closer relationship with mom - with God


Because I loved him until the day he died, and I still do!!!


Because I love him.


I was my husband's sole full time caregiver until his death in December. I did it because I love him and he was so scared of being put away. He deserved to be where he wanted and I was fortunate to be able to keep him at home. I know that is not an opt..


Love. My dad was always loving And kind. The disease may have robbed him of his independence but to be able to care for him was a privilege.


LOVE.. For better or worse.. Thru rich or poor... He may not know who I am BUT I know who he is... HE would take care of me... He has taken care of me.. Gave me the BEST sponge bath ever. When I had surgery... Took care of his Dad.. He would have be...


Beautifully said!


It's just what you do for someone you love.


LOVE, that is the only thing that is important. ❤️��❤️


Because she is my mother. Because I love her. Between the day sitter while I work, and myself at night and weekends, she gets better care than she would in any of the facilities around here. And when my father killed himself 13 years ago, she was left to me. And I take that responsibility very seriously. I won't let Daddy down. Or my sweet mother.






What is a provocation or insight that might inspire others during this challenge?

There are so many sources of provocation and insight that might inspire. Here's one strong provocation--what lies ahead for a caregiver's loved one with dementia, should he or she be unable to continue to provide care: http://majadaniels.com/projects/into-oblivion/

Tell us about your work experience:

I was my father's caregiver while he lived with vascular dementia. I've worked as a research scientist, a professor, and entrepreneur. My team's been building solutions for caregivers for 2 years.

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Hi Greg,

It is great to see you in the challenge. Thank you for sharing the 'whys?'. I think this would be of interest to Brittany Margot and @DeletedUser 

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